TACAW hosts Drew Petersen for ‘Feel It All’ film, conversation on mental health and recovery

Watching “Feel It All” — professional skier Drew Petersen’s documentary about his journey from suicidal depression to resilience and recovery — is powerful. But following it up with an in-person discussion is even more profound.

On Nov. 13, TACAW hosts his film, as well as his keynote talk, entitled “My story is the story of our community — how my lessons from skiing remote peaks and running ultramarathons can shift the culture of the mental health crisis of the Rocky Mountain West.”

“The value of in-person offers the opportunity for nuance that you can’t fit into a film,” he said, adding that “community” is a key word in his title “because so many of the factors that have led to both my struggles and my transformation and the lessons I’ve learned along the way are very similar to factors that have plagued our community.”

“Feel It All” talks about how there doesn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel — just darkness — within deep depression. It follows Petersen as he runs the Leadville Trail 100 ultramarathon, which reflects both the ups and downs of mental health recovery, from its hellish moments to its joy for living. It also features him skiing and running in the peaks surrounding the Leadville Trail 100 ultramarathon.

“The film shows how, within the struggle of living with mental illness, lies an opportunity to access an infinite, inexhaustible well of strength to achieve our limitless potential,” according to press material. “I tell a lot of stories about running, because it’s really fun and meaningful to me.” 

Whether via film, talk, or both, audiences tend to see their story reflected in Petersen’s.

“It’s been very successful in connecting with people — and they see themselves better by being able to hear the keynote,” he said. “It creates an opportunity to have a transformational experience. I receive messages every day about what an influential moment in their life and in their journey it was. It has opened up conversations with loved ones for people and given them the courage to go to therapy. I hear from a lot of people that it saved their life.”

And that’s exactly Petersen’s mission: To break down the stigma around mental health and suicidal ideation in order to build a culture that honors and prioritizes mental health so that lives are saved and everyone thrives.

He notes that “stigma” carries a mark of shame or disgrace, and he’s determined to remove that shame on all levels, from the individual to societal. And, to do that, more people need to start talking openly about mental health.

“Putting mental health awareness on a very visible level is having a profound impact on chipping away that stigma,” he said, adding that suicide is still far less discussed than other mental-health issues like depression and anxiety, so that needs to enter into the conversation more.

The overall topic is also unpopular in the ski world, but he and Roaring Fork Valley local and media personality Paddy O’Connell, who will lead the Q&A after the keynote, are out to shift that culture, as well.

“In the ski world, there aren’t many people who talk about this stuff,” Petersen said, adding that it’s especially rare with male skiers.

Petersen graduated high school in Summit County in 2012 and first experienced suicidality when he was 9, so he’s familiar with what experts call “the suicide belt” running through Rocky Mountain states. High suicide rates within the region revolve around the paradise paradox — a complex interplay of such factors as transient communities, isolation, high costs of housing and living, high levels of substance abuse, and an idea that people who live in “paradise” should be happy.

He said the Roaring Fork Valley characterizes what it means to live within the paradise paradox, with its economic disparity, disjointed and transient community, and other aspects that contribute to mental health crises.

From 2013 to 2015, Pitkin County’s suicide rate averaged 22.6 per 100,000 people, ranking above the state average of 19.1, according to Mental Health Colorado. In 2017, 11% of the county’s population, ages 5 and older, reported eight or more days of “poor mental health” in the prior 30 days, which was about even with the state average of 11.8%, according to that year’s Colorado Health Access Survey. While the county averages the same or more than number of behavioral health employees than the state, 9.2% of county residents didn’t get mental-health care when they needed it, citing cost as the top reason. In 2023, Wise Voter ranked Colorado seventh in the nation for suicide.

While the film links outdoor adventures with mental health, he’s one of the first to acknowledge that there’s a balance between using athletic activities for physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing and using them as an escape.

“In the film, I call out that, while skiing and running and outdoor pursuits can (support mental health), they in no way, shape, or form are a replacement for real therapy. They can be 1) an escape from reality and, 2) the only way we deal with our hardships, and that’s very limiting,” he said. “We need more tools in our toolkit than just going out and recreating. Culturally, that is kind of the belief of these areas and these communities: ‘The trails are my therapy, the mountains are my church.’ But that’s very limiting.”

Similar to the film title, “Feel It All,” he also uses it all, in terms of employing everything from journaling and sobriety to medication and movement.

“So for those of you out there who my story resonates with, you are so far from alone,” he wrote on his website. “And I promise you: There is hope.”